LOVE SICK

LOVE is a complicated affliction which strikes when least expected. It manifests itself in several different ways, and initially, the sufferer is totally unaware that he or she is stricken. Once it has taken hold, the sufferer will experience a wide variety of physical symptoms including rapid heartbeat and increased libido. Emotional symtoms are often present, which increase in severity with time, and will eventually inhibit normal functioning of the brain.

The sufferer will lose the ability to concentrate and become preoccupied and emotional. He or she will often enter a fugue-like state, which results in long periods of staring into space, oblivious to his or her surrounding environment. Increased, and often compulsive attention to personal hygiene will be displayed, especially in males. Irrational thought patterns will be prevalent, and mood swings will be experienced - ranging from unexplained euphoria, to abject misery. There will be a rapid decline in the ability to reason, and logic will quite often disappear completely.

When the affliction peaks, more extreme symptoms will become obvious. The sufferer will often become uninhibited, and sexual intercourse will regularly be performed in public places - like car parks. It is not unusual for the sufferer to seek release in movie theaters, alleyways, and other peoples' bathrooms. Anal sex is a strong indication that the female is over-anxious to please her mate. This symptom will steadily decrease and wear off completely in time. The same applies to oral sex, role play, and the use of electronic stimulators.

It is usual, after the initial peak, for the symptoms to ease. The sufferer will then begin to experience a new set of symptoms. Spite, bitchiness, and often intense dislike will be displayed. It is likely around this time that the libido will decrease and the male will begin to feel rejected and feel obligated to direct his attentions elsewhere.

It is usual for the female to experience negative feelings like jealousy and anger around this time. Released from her fugue-like state, she will begin to seriously question her judgement. Her brain will begin to function semi-normally, and her concentration levels will increase dramatically. She will still suffer from irrationality and unexplained mood swings, however scientific studies have shown that these complaints are likely to be present until maturity and beyond, regardless of whether the person is afflicted or not.

LOVE is an extremely difficult condition to cure. Regular sexual intercourse with someone you like will drastically reduce the likelihood of you falling prey to this debilitating condition. Periodic use of the several masturbatory techniques available would guarantee complete immunity.